I am slowly gaining back my weight. I have lied to everyone about my eating problem.  A small intervention from the people I love has given me the confidence to help myself.  Its difficult to talk about, but I am trying to get healthy again.  I want to be happy again.  And I am getting there.  The most difficult step is telling myself its okay to eat.  I know how difficult it is to recover.  Ive done it once, but I fell apart again.  I dont wanna say why, its personal and painful to think about.  I feel like I am at a fragile state and I dont wanna crash again.  I hate lying to myself and the people I am close to.  Those who were on the inside, who knew about my problem, didnt help me and almost encouraged it.  I think it was difficult for me to help myself, when they were with me.  So I am slowing letting that relationship slip away.  I am done hating myself and being fake.  Its difficult to think that I was hurting myself.  It seemed too easy.  I was blind to everything I was doing... and I was depressed for so many reasons.  It was just an easy escape, an easy habit, to fall right back into.  Its like a roller coaster, I get really happy and then I crash.  It sucks.

Dear Open,

Dont push too much.  Youll find out soon.  Though I dont tell you now, youll quickly figure it out.  I know I dont talk that much, but hold on just a little while longer.  Dont worry, I am still here. Just wait and I will tell you everything.  I will peek through my windows and maybe unlock the door, but it will still take time.  I really want to tell you, its just difficult to talk about.  Let me hold back a little longer, and then you will see.  I am fine, really, everything will be great.  You just gotta trust me, you just gotta wait.

-Closed

Dear Lost,

            I dont know what to say anymore.  I cant seem to do anything right.  I seem to have mistaken my help for neediness. Thats right, I need you.  I care more than anything for you, and I cry because I cant help you.  This wall that your facing seems to grow higher and higher, as youre with me.  I feel like I am a ball chained to you, holding you down.  I want to be there for you, but I am now realizing that I cant.  Youre in another world that wont let me in.  I pray for you to find your way back to me.  I want to see the one I loved before you frowned.  I want you to smile again.  I want you to love again.  I want you... Again.  It hurts to say this to you, but its for the best.  Maybe this will help you move forward.  Take that road to victory.  Maybe life will be less blurry for you.  You can figure out what you want, and enjoy it.  I will take that step back for you.  I will let go.  All I want is the best for you, and if that means letting you go... I guess I will have to do it.  Youre already lost.  When you feel like coming back, coming home, I will be here for you.  Otherwise... youre gone to me.

-Helpless